when i was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful. a miracle. oh it was beautiful, magical. and everything felt like it was just a game—whimsical—nobody could ever get hurt, everything would always be fine, and death was metaphysical. i don’t know what happened. i don’t know how all that changed. one day we were young and spry, the next day we woke up, and everyone had suddenly just aged. what a trip, a slippery slope, a freaking sinking floor. the thing is, i don’t think i really know who i am anymore.
i watch tv and see these characters on the screen and for just a moment, see myself in them. i empathize, relate, i feel where they’e at. for a second i’m soaring, but then i snap out of it and realize i’m just paddling in a vat. sometimes i’m the hero, other times the villain, but most times, neither nor. a fancy for splendour and delusions of grandeur have rot me to the core. my identity is fragile, flimsy, feeble through and through. i used to think i’m somebody, but these days, i’m so confused that, really, anyone would do.
i have to watch what i say or they’ll be calling me a radical. a liberal. oh fanatical. a criminal. everywhere i go, i’m touted as intellectual, but i open my mouth and speak my truth and they label me as cynical. everything’s a farce. everyone’s a fake. the carousel of feigned emotions, pilfered convictions, and manufactured resolve weighs big on my conscience, now that i’m finally awake. only to see that i’m asleep, there’s no waking from this dream. a scant, fleeting, glimpse of myself is all i’ve ever seen.
so go on then, your turn to shine, please tell me who i am. tell me what i’m expected to do—to say, to feel—teach me the program. i can’t be sure i’ll survive if i continue like this. lost in the great ocean of events, on a fast and furious descent, every day i feel more disconnected from finding my own bliss. my passions stirred, my vision blurred, i i’m still a simple man. i know i’m asking too much, that it’s absurd, and my life is a sham. but could you find it in your heart and please, tell me who i am?