what time is it? i am burning up.
why is it so cold? the sun isn’t out yet.
is it raining? i am sweating.
what’s that noise? i have to get up.
what time is it? i don’t know where i am.
these are the questions that don’t have any answers. delirious dreams feel like a cancer, dreaming of lancers, of neuromancers, tossing and turning, sweating like a dancer. i don’t know what to think, i don’t know what to do. i can’t figure out if it’s a virus or a flu. i hear an echo of an echo of a shout. i can hear my breath, wheezing in and out. i must be going crazy, am i asleep or awake? the voices that i hear, are they real or they fake? what’s happening to me? have i succumbed to madness? will i ever snap out of this crippling sadness? things will get better, right? yes, i’m a believer. holy fucking hell i think i’m trapped in a fever.
here’s a shout-out to all the addicts. the -holics, the heads, the crazies, the manics. the smokers the tokers the jokers the croakers the fakers the takers the makers the shakers. swaying in an alley, sitting on a curb, puffing on the herb, powder on a key, cheap rum in a glass, smoking cigarettes like tonight is your last.
i wake in a slumber, in a stupor, in a daze. i find myself lying in a pool of toxic waste – una piscina de sudor – sweat is all i can taste. pneumonia. every time i breath it smells of ammonia. i’m delirious, i’m scared, what’s happening to my head? shaking like a leaf, gasping for a breath, rasping out a pray, my vocal cords are dead. my fate sealed and set. the end of the line. feels like this is it.
morning.
is that the sun? did i make it? what time is it? have i staved it? there’s a ringing in my ears, a pounding in my chest, my hands have the shakes, the world is spinning like a ferris wheel without breaks. oh mighty dhanvantari, i beg for your help. hear my prayers, heal my wounds, i am sorry.
i am sorry. i am sorry.