take my word for it: we were good at the beginning. obedient little saints, we were going to be winners. we were going to big places, not once were we sinners. we smiled when it rained and laughed when it shone. we cried whenever we were left alone. we ran when we wanted and slept when we could. we'd play with the sun all day if it would. we wouldn't get old. we'd made up our mind. we'd never grow up or leave it all behind. but we lied, and we did. and we did, and we lied. we moved on and we married and we aged and we died. this is the story. the story of us. with a miserable painful legacy to discuss. we're the ghosts of the world that walk endless on end. forever and ever our stories transcend.
father forgive me, you have to believe me, it wasn't meant to end like this. this was not my intention, i never planned this to happen, everything just went amiss. a coincidence that turned into a secret, turned into a quarrel, into a motherfucker of a problem. and just like that it turned my whole life into an asylum. if i only never went back, if only i stayed in the cab, stayed put at work, kept to myself, none of this would've ever happened. i can't even imagine. i think about how it started, how it began. way back at school where we all ran into the forrest, the back of the school. everybody was so fucking cool. i was younger then, i didn't even know, they didn't even tell me, they just told me 'go'. i had to believe them, they were my friends, they were my schoolmates, they were my age. i had to do it, it was a rite, a passage i wanted to cross to the light. i had no idea where it would lead, where it would take me, it was just weed. it was only supposed to be one time. twice and thrice followed in line. fourth and fifth and sixth and on, till there was no where else to run. graduating on and on, till all you know are single lines. single rockets, single rails, lined up like soldiers in graves. in the morning by the sun, after dark out with the moon. making money, making love, everything is over soon. ride that rocket, grind that rail, making you ready for jail. miss that meeting, skip that class, see how long a high can last. and on that gloomy rainy day, judgement day, all your sins shall be absolved.
busing tables, hauling trash, turning tricks and burning cash, building bridges, paving roads, running circuits, moving loads, building cities, driving cabs. paying taxes, mailing faxes, wearing clown suits, doing uproots, watching crooks jailed on tv. watching tv. watching tv. reading books and working hard, buying into credit cards. credit loans and credit debt. credit capitol mindset. lotteries and christmas trees, in search of the master keys. praying here now and again: never again will evil win. drinking rum and smoking grass, here we are the middle class. smart as whips and sharp as knives, busy running all your lives. things are good but we've had better, things are bad but they could be worse, crime and care balancing each other, with a real community force.
there's no doubt about it, it wasn't meant to end like this. she thought i was going to work and then to the dentist, and i thought she had class. how embarrassing for both our lies to be this fucking crass. all i wanted was a final fix to set me on my way, the doctor didn't expect me till later in the day. i walked outside and took in some air, and then casually made my way up the stairs. i swear to you, you have to believe me, i didn't mean to hurt her, i didn't mean to harm her. i just wanted to talk and now they're calling it murder. saying it was callous, they're calling it violent. vicious and brutal. saying i was silent, quiet and surprised her, scared and ambushed her, beat and then pushed her, through the glass window, through the car ceiling, back to ground zero, broken and bleeding. but i didn't do it! you have to believe me. there was a third guy up in her building. in her apartment, on the sofa, in my apartment, in the bedroom, in our apartment. i'd never seen him. they didn't expect me. from the looks of it, yep, she was cheating. first she wept crying, then she was screaming, i totally and completely stopped feeling. i went for the kitchen ignoring her cries, right past that fucker and through the hall. i grabbed the first object that was in my reach, too fucking bad it was a wrench. i heaved it at his head but he ducked and i missed. and my fucking whore of a girlfriend took it square in the lips. blood gushing endless rosy and red. that fucking guy had been in my bed. and now he was running out the front door, while she fell squarely out the tenth floor. they'd tell me later that she was dead, right when that wrench first smacked in her head. kind of ironic, how things will be, a happy nobody as hapless as me, can wind back enough to be ruthless and cold. savage and brutal and sparky and bold. but i suppose that's how things go. one for the players and one for the hoes.
one for the money. two for the ring. now you're on tilt, three's gonna sting. four for the car. five for the house. things gettin' worse, six for the spouse. then go the kids, out with the fleet. seven is welfare. eight's on a street. nine's in a slammer. ten's in a grave. what's gonna happen when you're a slave? when you're a pawn? when you're a lease? when you're a puppet chained to a leash? one tequila. two tequila. three tequila. floor. five rum. six gin. seven scotch. door. nine wine. ten beer. help steer. steer clear. watch out! sit tight. stay right! road pump. look out! shut up. oh god. help god.
where's god now?